Answers

1 Samuel 1:27 - For this child I prayed...

The hardest thing in my life right now, is not having an answer when someone asks how my adoption is going, or where we are in it. It's a struggle to not know what is going on or be able get answers from those who should have them. 

So all I can do, at this time, is to continue to pray for my child and the family we will become. 

I pray for patience (something I am trying so hard to have)

I pray for hope (that I get some sort of answer of what is going on)

I pray for strength (as my heart gets heavier and heavier with each day of no news)

I pray for my little boy (though he knows nothing of what is going on)

I pray for those working on my case (that they will feel any sort of urgency)

I pray for those who support me (for you truly have no idea what your support means)

Please be patient with me when I don't have an answer for those of you hoping for an update on this amazing adventure I'm on.  I started this process telling The Lord that this be done in His time, and I am trying to stay focused on that part of it. I can't rush this, it has to be right. 

The Lord has given me things to focus on while I wait for my official referral, so I am staying busy with that. What an amazing boy my little nugget must be for us to go through all this to become a family. While I can't wait to meet him and bring him home, I must. 

Thank you all for going on the journey with me. For all of the support I have received over the last 5 years (almost) while I have raised funds, shared my emotions (good and bad) and gave me the love/strength I needed each step of the way. 

I truly hope to have information on him soon and will share as soon as I receive word of who he is, and all his "stats". Til then......

......Kayleen's Kid Quest continues

My Roller Coaster Ride

I heard rumors about adoption being a roller coaster ride, but hey, I love roller coasters so what the heck, I'm going to do it.

Who knew that it would be one of the longest rides of my life. With highs, higher than I have ever been, and lows so far down, I didn't know I could be down so low.

The highs come when you get any kind of news in regards to your adoption process and where you are in it. They come from finding out that you moved ahead (even one space) in getting closer to completing the process and bringing your little one home. Any kind of hope given to you about moving forward. 

When you're up at the top and feeling so high, happy and realize you love the tickle in your tummy that you know is about happen, you lose your thought process about what happens AFTER the ride gets to bottom.

Yes, all that stuff in your tummy which tickled, drops in your belly like a rock, and that's when you know, you're there. It just sits there until the next rise in your ride. You have no control, you have to sit in the cart and goes where it takes you.  Before you know it, your emotions get the best of you and........tears. Yep, you read that right, tears. Unexplained, unprovoked, but there, streaming down your face. 

Am I enjoying my ride? Yes. Was I truly prepared for the highs and lows? No. I am not sure anyone, in my position, would know how to prepare for a ride like this one. Even I, couldn't explain, well enough, to someone thinking about adoption what to expect emotionally.

So to anyone out there thinking about it...... I hope you like roller coasters, because this is the biggest ride of your life.

Kayleen's Kid Quest continues....

Haitian Roots Trip

Sooooooo, I went to Haiti. (not adoption related)

No amount of research and investigation, I did, prior to starting the adoption process could have prepared me for what I was stepping into the day I got off my flight into Port-au-Prince, Haiti. I am not sure what really I had in my mind, but I can tell you it wasn't what I saw as the driver took us to the guest house that we would call home for the next 7 days.

Let me explain...... I was afforded the opportunity to join a group, representing Haitian Roots (http://haitianroots.com/), which is a non-profit organization dedicated to educating to the children of Haiti. They get sponsors for the children which allows them to go to school for a year. The reason for this trip was to have the kids make and write Christmas cards for their sponsors and to distribute monies to them for it. (Yes, I know I don't do it justice with my random ramblings, so go to the website and check it out) It's an amazing cause and if you feel inspired, feel free to sign up as a sponsor. I promise you the kids there love that they can go to school to have a chance at a better future.

While we were there we visited different orphanages, and I absolutely fell in love with the country. As poor as they are, as dirty as it was, the people are amazing. Garbage thrown wherever, cows and goats walking down the sidewalk rummaging through it for food. People trying to sell anything and everything to make some money. It was an eye opener for this girl.

As I thought about my little boy and what I would be taking him away from, my mind also focused on how he will know his roots. I want to take him back to see where he came from, what kind of life he might have had, and maybe together we can come up with a small way to make a difference there.

We were taken to meet a woman named Amber from Indiana, who has moved there to help make a difference. She created PEACEcycle. It's a way to take garbage off the street, sanitize it and create useful things with them. There are these drinking water bags that people buy. There is an estmated 5 million that get tossed onto the street each WEEK.

So she has people go out and collect them, she then goes through a whole process of sanitizing, cutting, ironing and sealing them together, then they create different types of bags, passport holders, pencil cases, messenger bags and lunch totes. They are amazing and these pictures don't do it justice. SHE is making a difference over there, she has given jobs to local people as well as started something that may help (even a tiny bit) of keeping some of the garbage off the street, Check it out on Facebook - PEACEcycle.  

The time spent in Haiti was hot, humid, but amazing. I spent it with the most ioncrdible group of women who fell in love with the country just as I did. Our fearless leader Chareyl, kept telling us "You don't choose Haiti, Haiti chooses you".   That statement hits me right in the heart since I didn't go looking for Haiti when I decided to adopt. It was where I was told to go.

Now that I have been there, I have been through the culture shock, I have seen the living conditions of the people. I see their day to day struggle, and now more than anything I want to get my little boy home to help him on his way for a bright future and hopefully an idea of how we can make our own little mark on his roots. 

Patience has been my friend, trust has become a vital part of this process. The Lord works in mysterious ways and with this trip, He made that clear. I will continue to trust Him and know that the little guy who is to be my son will be the one MEANT for me. Even if that means I keep waiting. 

Thanks for listening to me ramble on. I am adding a few pictures of my trip (once someone from my group clues me in on the whole DROPBOX situation, I will upload some more - they were more dedicated to taking pics than I was) I love Haiti now, more than I ever thought I could.

Kayleen Kids Quest.....continues

Was it a sign?

Towards the beginning of my adoption I felt like I was receiving many "signs" that what I was doing is the right thing for me. I am not sure that signs is the right word, but more confirmations. Lots of little things I saw, or heard made me know I was on the right path.

When the little 2 1/2 year old had been matched to me, it was right in the timeline of when I had been given the feeling or inspiration I should adopt from Haiti. There was never a question about where, it was always Haiti. This was MY little boy.

I went through a time (in the beginning of the process) where they had closed Haiti and I was not far enough along in the process and they made choose another country, but when Haiti open back up a lot sooner than they had anticipated, and I was able to move my file back there without any changes or additional fees, again I felt the confirmation that it was meant to be.

With the loss of my match and me waiting for them to find me another little boy to call my son, I have struggled emotionally. So many questions fill my mind. Why is it taking them so long to find another little boy for me with all the orphans they have? Why lose the boy that just made all the confirmations justified? Where have my confirmations gone? Why don't I get them anymore? Have I stopped looking or listening? Is it me?

So the reason I post this today......... weird thing happened this morning and I am really hoping it's a confirmation.  Last night about 12:45 am I got up to use the bathroom (have to walk past Giles room to do this) and went back to bed. This morning, and as I walked past Giles' room to go get ready for the day, a toy started to go off. It was a little toy with lights and music.  While at first it startled me a little, I went in and turned it off, and the rest of my morning spent my time wondering if that was a confirmation I have been waiting for. Does this mean something for me and my adoption, or was it just some random thing that happened with the toy? Time will tell.

I am just waiting on a new match for me. Praying it will come soon and that we can move forward quickly with the process of getting my little boy into my arms and heart. I am relying heavily on The Lord to keep me sane through all of this. I am still trying to keep in mind that I promised it would be in His time, not mine (not going to lie, that's a hard one). I keep a smile on my face and I keep moving forward.

Thank you all for your prayers, your hugs, your love and support. It is something I need so much of. Until my next random thought process.......

Kayleen's Kid Quest continues.