T minus 15 hours

   So today is the big day. The walk-thru. Tonight at 8:30. There is a bit of fear running through me, though I think it's just the fear of the unknown. Since I haven't been through this before I am just not sure what to expect. Especially since we are still in the middle of remodeling the house. Each room is about halfway done. The good news is that we have all the plans for each room so we can detail anything she has questions about. Everything we could physically get done has been done. We have straightened and cleaned the best we can for an unfinished project. Prayers have been said (mostly like will throughout the entire day) and now I rely fully upon The Lord to guide her in her review of the house.

   I have to trudge through the day, waiting for the meeting to take place. I say that like it's going to be easy. I work from 4am - 3pm, then go to school until 8:10pm. I should arrive home just as my social worker gets to the house. Did I mention I didn't sleep at all? Oh sure I laid down in bed, but all that I could focus on was what still needs to be completed. Hopefully, work and school will keep me focused on enough other things that the day will go by quietly and before I know, it will be time.

   I am so happy with where I am in the adoption process, and am excited to move on to the next part. I will detail that tomorrow when I update you all on the home study outcome.  T minus 15 hours and counting....tick.....tock....tick....tock...

   Kayleen's Kid Quest continues........ standby

"Worth of Souls"

I believe this photo says it all.

Switching Gears

I spoke with my social worker Monday, explained the situation of the remodel and to my happiness, she stated that the remodel will not affect my final walk through. YAY!!!!!!!

With that being said, I must switch gears in my mind to put things in order (as best I can) before Thursday night.  I had to create an entirely new TO-DO LIST.  As I think about each room of the house (each one halfway complete), I write all the things I can see in my mind which needs to be done. Even though she won't be looking for that, it's something I feel I need to do. 

The things I need to be concerned with (for Thursday) are the following: 

     -  Fire Extinguisher on each floor of the house

     -  Smoke detector on each floor of the house

     -  All Medicines and cleaners are locked up

     -  There is enough room for him (his own room)

Sooooooo for the next couple of nights, I will be dusting, sweeping, straightening, and readjusting to make sure it's as presentable as it can be. I hope she will see that we are trying to make the house more comforting and inviting. 

I love this roller coaster of emotions I am on. I think it is sort of preparing me for motherhood as one never knows what to expect from day to day. So many things left to do, but so grateful it all doesn't have to be done by Thursday. WISH ME LUCK.

Kayleen's Kid Quest continues.........

Home Study Prepping......continued

   I spent yesterday painting my little boys room. It was kind of magical for me. I was in the room by myself most of the time, and as I painted, my thoughts were drawn to what will happen in there in the coming years. The routine he will learn to follow, the growing up, the playing with toys in there. I could picture myself, in the corner sitting in the rocking chair with him as we bond as family. Helping him bond with me and the life I will give him.

   It was almost as if I could see the future with him. It was a pretty cool day. We move forward with the house and getting it done before the walk through on Thursday. I was planning on putting carpet in the bedrooms, but after visiting the carpet guy, I think laminate flooring will be the more likely choice. The cost for carpet is about half of one of my adoption fees. So I will be revisiting the flooring. I will be calling my social worker to make sure it's ok the floor isn't complete before the home study, knowing it will be before my little boy comes home. 

   I must thank a few people who came over to help us yesterday. We completed so much because of these amazing people. 

Dan & Nancy Auga Crew - Came Friday night and Saturday to help get the living room/hallway painted and started the floor in the living room. 

Scott & Hailey Orton - Came Saturday and Scott helped with the high ceilings I couldn't reach, and Hailey started painting the dresser for my little boys room.

Scott & Nannette Walker -  came and helped pull all the staples out of the floor so the flooring could be laid. 

Jordan Lewis -  helped me paint Giles room

Paul Shipley - Who has come over several times to get our downstairs bathroom prepped and tiled. This is one amazing tile guy (for it only being his second tile job) ha ha

   Thank you all so much for all the help and time you have donated in helping me in my quest. I am blessed to know such great people. Hopefully after I speak with my social worker, I will know more of what I need to focus on completing before Thursday.

Kayleen's Kid Quest continues......... 

Oh the fun we will have..........

   In chatting with a friend of mine, I found that I was talking about the things I want to do with my little boy when I bring him home. Of course, this will be after he becomes comfortable with his new life here in Utah, once he knows that he has a home to go to at the end of the day, one of safety and love.

   There are places I want to take him, adventures I want to go on with him, the world I want him to see and learn to love life and his surroundings. My friend suggested I blog about it so I can refer to it later when he is home and so I won't forget where I want to take him and what I want to do. Why can I never remember to do this on my own? Blog, Kayleen, blog. One day it may become more of a routine and a first thought, rather than a reminder from someone to actually sit and write my thoughts down. Thank you my friend for reminding me of what I need to do.

   Camping is something I love to do, but something I feel I can't do as a single person (for safety reasons). This is something I want my little boy to learn to appreciate and love to do also. Hiking, walks along trails to enjoy the beauty of the world. Biking as well, so he stays active and healthy. I want to take him to the discovery museum to learn about whatever they show there. I want to take him to temple square and talk about the church and church history and what it means to me.

   As he grows in the church and begins to understand, I want to take him to the sacred grove, to have him feel of the spirit that place holds (I have never been, but I hear it's incredible). Then when he prepares for his mission, I want to take him back there to feel that spirit once again, before he goes on the preach about Joseph Smith and his prayer and vision. I want to visit the Hill Cumorah and teach him about what happened there.

   I want to take him to Disneyland and to San Jose to show him where I grew up. I want to take him to Nova Scotia to let him see where I served my mission and share what that time in my life meant to me.
I want to take him back to Ethiopia and let him visit his homeland and keep his heritage in his life.

   I want to simply take him to the park down the street to enjoy the playground, and the friends he will make there. I want to take him to ball games, like soccer, baseball and basketball so he can appreciate all that life has to offer. I know as a single mom these goals may seem far fetched, but these are the things I want my son to experience. In doing so I hope he finds out who he is and what his place is in this life.

   Now, it is in writing so I must refer to this blog once I bring him home. If I forget, I know I have some pretty awesome friends who will remind me of this blog. Thank you all for your continued support in my quest to become a mama.

Home-Study Prepping

    Just under two weeks before the final walk through. You would think I wouldn't be nervous, but I am. Someone coming in to your house to determine if it's right to raise a child in, can be overwhelming. Is it clean enough (not spotless), does it have the right feel to it (does it feel like a home, not just a house)?  Is it warm and inviting and comfortable to anyone who walks through the door?

    These are the questions that go through my mind as I try to prepare my home for this walk through. Not that I have ever been through this before, but it seems odd to have someone come in and base an adoption off how the house looks and feels. So yes, I am nervous. However, I can promise you, I am not losing sleep over it. I just want to make sure it's right. 

    I know getting the house prepared for the final walk through is just the beginning. It will be a continuous process until I bring my little boy home. While his room will be painted, carpeted and have some furniture in it for the walk through, I still need to make it a little boys room before he comes home. Toys, clothes, fun stuff on the walls, to make him feel like it's a room he wants to be in. One where he wants to spend time in playing, doing homework, just having fun. 

    The rest of the house will require finishing touches like completing the home theater system downstairs so wires aren't hanging all over the walls, the fireplace getting a mantel so we can use the wood burning stove during the winters, thresholds to finish off flooring. Just to name a few. Oh yes, my project list is a good sized one, but getting the big things done first is priority. It's the big things that are important for the walk through. 

   I look forward to re-modeling the house to make it more warm and inviting to guests who stop by for a visit. To make it a home for a little boy longing for a family. A safe harbor in this new life he is about to embark on. Wish me luck.

Kayleen's Kid Quest continues.........

http://www.gofundme.com/Kayleens-Kid-Quest

Am I happy?

   The answer is YES,  I am truly happy. I know it's hard for some people to understand how I can be happy being single, not knowing marriage and family as others do. Trust me,  this is something that I have had a long time to think about it. This answer I give, is truthful. I am happy with who I have become in this life.

   I won't say it has been an easy road getting to this point in life. There are many times I questioned why I haven't found that special someone who wants to spend the rest of eternity with me. I questioned why I haven't been able to start the family I dreamed of while growing up. Questioned why, knowing how much I truly love kids, I wasn't lucky enough to have one (or more). With no audible answer ever given to me, I can say that over time, The Lord has helped me understand that my life has gone exactly the way it was supposed to go. It's not one thing where I can just tell you why, it's a lot of little feelings, and promptings that has helped me realize that I am where I am supposed to be.

    There have been two ways I could approach life. I could be angry and hateful because I don't have those things I want, always being cynical about my lot in life or I could embrace where my life is taking me and be who I know I am. Though it took a few years to fully understand who I truly am inside. I must admit, that I like who I found.  I have tried to show everyone in my life who I am and why I am the way I am. I have tried to hide nothing. If you have a question ask me, don't assume. I am happy to share with you what I have found.

   Serving the youth of the church has filled that void of children for many years. There are certain youth, over the years, in which I have bonded with who made me feel like a mom. Ones that I love as mom would. I have been able to work with them in way I couldn't have, if I did have a husband and family. I wouldn't have been able to connect with them the same way. This is just one area, in which answers were given to me. They were an answer to numerous prayers. Prayers given over years, and answers given over those same years.

   I have grown in many other ares also. I have learned to take care of a home and car in ways other women many not be able to. I am kind of a handy person because I have needed to be. Oh sure, I can call people to take care of things for me, but why, we are here to learn and grow right? There are things I can't do, and I will call upon others to help, but I will always try to do what I can to grow as a person.

  I am fully aware I am missing out on so much, being married and starting a family. I know that I would be complete with a husband who brings the priesthood in my home, and kids that love me from their infancy. Believe me when I tell you that is something on my mind regularly. Trust me when I say that just because I am adopting, doesn't mean I don't want the whole package. I fully believe that one day, it will happen. One thing that is important for everyone to understand, I am doing what is right for me at this time in my life.

  Trust me when I say, this is not something I am doing lightly. This is not something that was a whim. This is something I have thought about, planned for, prayed about, and have only moved forward completely trusting upon the arm of The Lord. I pray everyday for guidance in this process. I pray everyday for understanding from the those who don't know that I am following my path in life.

   Yes I am truly happy in life. There is no doubt in my answer.

Did I mention that I have never liked school?

     It's true, I have NEVER been a fan of school. I won't lie and say I was a good student, which is why I never really went to college after high school. Oh sure I took some courses here and there and tried to figure out if I could do it, but never got into school.

     So imagine my surprise, a year and a half ago when I had this feeling of urgency to get into school. It was weird for me to have such a strong desire to do something I never liked doing. So I started applied to LDS Business College thinking that a degree in Business Management would be good since I have been in management for sometime now. Let me tell you, it was a process to get into that school and even though I had been out of high school for over twenty years, the grades I got back then still affected me. 

     The first two semesters I took very limited classes, to see if this was something I could do, I didn't want to spend a lot of money and then find out, I could not or, more importantly, DIDN'T WANT TO do it. I am now in my third semester, and am taking 13 credit hours (not much compared to some). This is really going to be a test for me. I am working over 52 hours per weeks and going to school full time. Then we add preparing for the adoption into the mix and what we have is one crazy, wild, BUT fun life. 

     Sometime after I got accepted into LDSBC, I had another urgency to move forward with something I had been thinking about for sometime but had never really been able to do anything to move forward with it. ADOPT!!!! Adoption had been on my mind for years, but with people living at the house constantly for years, it was something that just wasn't possible. Even when the urgent thought popped into my head to proceed with the adoption process. So rather than question higher powers, I moved forward with it. I told only a few people at first, just in case I wasn't approved. I can't describe the feeling of being told I was able to continue in my quest to become a mom. 

     I fully believe that the reason I had such an urgency to get into school was to help me with the adoption process. I know, that sounds just plain crazy to most, but it is such an overwhelming amount of things to do, papers to complete, life to open up to a complete stranger who is going to let others know if you truly are fit to adopt a child. Being in school gives my mind something other than the adoption, to focus on. It helps me do other things, than just prepare for the adoption. School is helping me prepare my life, my future and my finances so I can bring this little boy into my life. 

     I still cannot believe that I am in school. I cannot believe that I am not hating it. I cannot believe that I am actually doing pretty well. I am moving forward in life, which is really what life is about right? Moving forward and trying to constantly grow in new areas. This school experience will help me when it comes time to talk about the importance of education with my little boy. The Lord works in mysterious ways, does He not?

Preparing to become a mom

     I have to look at what I am doing now to prepare myself to be a mom. I guess at my age and with the number of kids I babysat over the years, one would think I was all over this. I would be one of those people.  I can't even tell you the number of kids I have watched and helped with over the years, so why does it feel I am not prepared?  Well, I am about to tell you.........

     While I can't tell you how many kids over the years I have watched, at the end of the day, I just went home when their parents got back. I wasn't there for every meal, every bath, every struggle to get them to go to bed (however, I do have my fair share of these bedtime struggles). I wasn't there for all the bedtime stories, and "I love you mom" as they turn over to sleep. 

     It's easy, once you have watched kids, to think you know what this mommy business is all about, but as I begin to prepare myself for the quest on which I have embarked, I can only imagine what all I need to do. I have always tried to be the cool babysitter, or the cool Aunt. You know, the one who has all the fun with your kids, then walks away after getting them all jacked up on Pepsi? 

     The day to day stuff I am good to go with. Bathe, feed, teach, love, hug, etc; It's the emotional part I haven't had the experience with. Having a child bond with me emotionally (as a mom) is something I have never thought about. Making sure a child KNOWS he is loved by me, using discipline to teach, helping a child create a routine for himself......things I haven't worried myself with......EVER. 

     So let the advice begin. Tell me as a mom (or dad) what you did to help bond with your child. Tell me how you do the whole parent thing day in and day out. What worked for you and what didn't? How did you prepare yourself to become a parent?





   

What the.......Why am I Blogging?

     I am still new to many things at this point in my life. Being 44 years old, one would think I have seen almost everything there is to see in life (most teenagers think I have). I have never been a big journal keeper so the thought of blogging kind of freaks me out. However, I have a lot of people asking how the process is going and how far along I am, and I don't think facebook is the place for everything I have to say. A couple of very AWESOME friends have directed me to this point. (Darn peer pressure, gets you when you least expect it). 

     I am currently in the process of adopting a little 3-5 year old boy from Ethiopia. In less than a month my home study will be complete and we move on to the dossier portion of the process. While I have most of that process ready to go, there are a few papers I wait on before completing and notarizing everything. What a journey it has been to this point. Inside I feel I should have started this from the beginning, but we are about nine months into the process. I know, I know, I could have had a baby at this point, but my darn values and morals get in the way of that since I am not married. 

     Nine months of applying, paperwork, fund raising, and trying to get the house ready for the home study walk through. I am more than happy to expand upon any of the above listed things, but i think where I am, right now in the process, is much more exciting for you all. 

     In the next few weeks, we basically re-do the entire inside of the house. Paint the whole upstairs, flooring in the living room and hall, and re-carpet the 3 bedrooms. It's going to be a lot of work, but we have to complete it for the final walk through with the social worker. 

     I am preparing the house to be more kid friendly, trying to put together a room for him where he will feel warm and comfortable when time for bed. I am working at getting the house together so he will feel like he is home for good,  where he feels loved and safe from anything he is scared of.

     Follow me on this journey......... what I am doing to prepare, where I am in the process, when I go pick him up, and how we are doing after I bring him home. 

     Buckle up, I can promise you, it's going to be a bumpy ride.