Towards the beginning of my adoption I felt like I was receiving many "signs" that what I was doing is the right thing for me. I am not sure that signs is the right word, but more confirmations. Lots of little things I saw, or heard made me know I was on the right path.
When the little 2 1/2 year old had been matched to me, it was right in the timeline of when I had been given the feeling or inspiration I should adopt from Haiti. There was never a question about where, it was always Haiti. This was MY little boy.
I went through a time (in the beginning of the process) where they had closed Haiti and I was not far enough along in the process and they made choose another country, but when Haiti open back up a lot sooner than they had anticipated, and I was able to move my file back there without any changes or additional fees, again I felt the confirmation that it was meant to be.
With the loss of my match and me waiting for them to find me another little boy to call my son, I have struggled emotionally. So many questions fill my mind. Why is it taking them so long to find another little boy for me with all the orphans they have? Why lose the boy that just made all the confirmations justified? Where have my confirmations gone? Why don't I get them anymore? Have I stopped looking or listening? Is it me?
So the reason I post this today......... weird thing happened this morning and I am really hoping it's a confirmation. Last night about 12:45 am I got up to use the bathroom (have to walk past Giles room to do this) and went back to bed. This morning, and as I walked past Giles' room to go get ready for the day, a toy started to go off. It was a little toy with lights and music. While at first it startled me a little, I went in and turned it off, and the rest of my morning spent my time wondering if that was a confirmation I have been waiting for. Does this mean something for me and my adoption, or was it just some random thing that happened with the toy? Time will tell.
I am just waiting on a new match for me. Praying it will come soon and that we can move forward quickly with the process of getting my little boy into my arms and heart. I am relying heavily on The Lord to keep me sane through all of this. I am still trying to keep in mind that I promised it would be in His time, not mine (not going to lie, that's a hard one). I keep a smile on my face and I keep moving forward.
Thank you all for your prayers, your hugs, your love and support. It is something I need so much of. Until my next random thought process.......
Kayleen's Kid Quest continues.
