Am I ready for this?

   I spent the weekend down in St George with a couple of my friends to watch their boys play in a soccer tournament. It was quit cold in the mornings, then quite warm in the afternoon. Yes I came back with a good looking sunburn on my face. The time spent with my friends was great, I love getting to know them outside of the everyday routines our lives run. I see them in a different light, in different circumstances, and it makes me love them even more for who they are.

  Any-who  the thoughts running through my mind today are ones, not of insecurity, but more of wonder. As I sat and watched the games, I watched the parents reactions, not just those of my friends, but of all the parents there to see their children play. The frustration of a missed opportunity, the anger of a bad call (or non call), the joy when they score or when a play unfolds exactly as it should. And my favorite, someone calling the referee "fatty" because they don't like the way he is calling the game. I was there to cheer on the kids, but I didn't have the emotional tie like everyone around me. It made me wonder if I am really ready for that kind of emotion.

   Will I be the kind of parent who cries for her son when he fails at something? Will I be the happiest person in the world when he succeeds at those same things? Will I be able to teach him a lesson through each failure in his life? Will I call a referee "fatty" when things aren't going the way I think they should? Will I be on the sidelines of every game, or in the audience of every performance? Will I clap louder than anyone else because my child (in my eyes) was the best? Will I be able to tell him how awesome he is, enough times that he believes me?  After all, aren't these all ways that one shows love for their child? I am guessing I am not the only soon to be first time mom who has these thoughts, nor will I be the last. Yet they are there, in the back of my mind.

   I want to be like these parents I spent the weekend with. Not just my two close friends, but the others there, who were cheering just as loud, and being just as proud of their children. It's interesting to me how differently I look at parents now and how I try to figure out what I want to do as a parent to help my son become the best person he can be. So thank you to all those parents from this weekend, who were great examples of how parents should be, and how parenting can make or break who a child becomes.

  Thank you Natalie and Jennica for allowing me spend time with you both and for teaching me what I need to do to become an AWESOME mom.

   When all is said and done, I know I am ready for this. I like these opportunities which make me think about this adoption and what I need to do to prepare both physically and emotionally.