Now, with these setbacks and decisions to be made, I am struggling. Struggling with the fact that I have prayed and prayed and have yet to receive a firm answer in the direction I should go. Don't get me wrong, I am not mad, angry, or even frustrated (any longer). I am just wondering why the delay in an answer now. What is the reasoning behind me not getting a direction?
I am taking this "opportunity" to research my options, ask lots of questions to my social worker and the adoption agency in regards to the delays I have before me. I am taking this "opportunity" to try and get more money in the bank. I am researching as much as I can about the decisions before me. I am trying to be as educated as I can while praying for direction. I have thought long and hard but have decided that just doing "rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock" is not going to be enough to choose which way to go (Big Bang Theory fans will get that).
This morning, I will be going to the temple to get away from the world and focus on the spirit. To be as close to my Savior and Heavenly Father as I can on this earth and pray for understanding and direction. (For those readers who aren't too familiar with me, I am Mormon) I rely heavily upon my faith in The Lord for answers to all major (and even minor) decisions in my life, I always have. Because of my reliance on Him, I have had one great life with the most incredible people a part of it. I even have superheroes who are with me every step of the way. (Seriously how can your life NOT be awesome if you have superheroes in it? Notice that is plural, I have TWO - don't be jealous)
I know that answers come in His time, and I respect that. I just wonder why now, it's taking a little longer to receive my answer. Maybe it's my fear of the change that might have to happen, maybe I want to stay on the path I am on, and worry that the answer won't be. Maybe I am causing myself to question what the answer might be so I am the one blocking myself from receiving that answer. I am hoping today (this morning) I find the clarity I need in my mind and allow myself to be open to the spirit to guide me. How blessed I am to have this in my life, how blessed I am to KNOW, that I WILL receive an answer. Blessed enough to have friends and loved ones who help me through these tough times and remind me that they are there to lift me up when needed.
Soon enough I will know which way to go. I will keep you posted as to my decision and direction I am to move forward with this adoption.
Kayleen's Kid Quest continues........
Sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing to receive your answers. Just a thought, although I don't have all the information about your decisions, your situation reminded me of a time I was struggling similarly. In my situation, I found the answer wasn't coming because the decision was mine to make, not because of the "stuper of thought",etc. The options in my choices were all worthy causes and the outcomes would have both been good. However, it was critical I figure out which choice I was willing to give it my all. Heavenly Father would support me in either choice, I just needed to make the (right) decision (for me), commit to it, and then I prayed for the strength to stick with my choice. Once I made the choice I got confirmation that it was a good one, specifically because I had faith in myself. Maybe you must make the decision and have faith in Kayleen?? Sometimes our choices are more about us taking responsibility, allowing us to determine what we are willing to sacrifice for. This allows us an opportunity to be closer to the process, taking the lead in our lives gives us a greater feeling of self-worth and also motivates us because it was our choice and we have something to prove. (Right?). I felt (in my personal experience) that Heavenly Father wanted me to take a more active role,to work through the choice and determine what I was really looking for. The experience also taught me some important lessons about free will, that I was intune enough to recognize what would work best for me.(if that makes any sense) I share this with you in the hopes of giving you support. Good Luck, I wish you the best, you'll be in the "Graham Family" prayers. -Jen
ReplyDeleteJen, you have no idea how much that comment just helped me. It put things more into perspective than I could have imagined. Maybe I do need to have more faith in myself in making the right decision, and then go to The Lord for confirmation of that choice. It's hard since my heart is in two places right now.
ReplyDeleteYou are one amazing lady, who I look up to in so many different ways. Thank you for being a voice of The Lord for me this morning.