Needed.......

   Over the last couple of weeks I have reflected on my life and where I am. What I realized is that I know I am where I am supposed to be and am doing what I am supposed to be doing. However, I feel like there is such a big hole there. I can definitely feel that something big is missing.

  Waiting has become the hardest part of this adoption.  I want to have my little boy here to begin loving, teaching, and have him rely on me for the new things in his life, I look in his room every time I walk by and just miss that even more. Patience is something I am really learning about during this process. Though from the beginning I have said, that this will happen in His time. I want it to be the right child for me.

   I think what I feel like I am missing the most, is being needed. Right now I basically just exist. I have no one that really "needs" me. I do help my mom with certain things she needs, but she is a pretty self sufficient "go-getter" and does a lot of things on her own (though I wish she wouldn't do as much).

   Over the years I have come to learn that moms are always needed, by all their children. Kids rely on moms for the loving and tender touches when hurt. The rely upon them for snacks, meals and desserts (I am pretty sure I can learn this part). They rely on them for making sure their clothes are clean and ready to wear. There is more I can go into, but I think you all understand where I am going with that.

   In my case, I will be playing the role of dad as well, so he will need me to help him learn to play soccer, baseball, and football along with others things dads do. For the first half of his life he will need me. I am missing that feeling of being needed.

   There are a number of people I need in my life, I don't know where I would be without them. I need their strength to help me stay strong. I need their love, to help me feel like I am loved. I need their testimonies to help me stay close to The Lord. I need their friendship to help me know I am not alone.

   I feel like everyone should need someone and should be needed by someone in their life. It gives them purpose when there is nothing else. Now, I am not saying I have nothing else, because I most certainly do. Please don't take it wrong to make this seem like I am having a pity party, because that is so far opposite of my thoughts here. These are just random thoughts I have had lately about being needed. Isn't this what a blog is all about?

I LOVE MY LIFE and what I am doing.
I LOVE where I am.
I AM HAPPY with who I am.
I AM Kayleen  :-) (oh man, this made me laugh- I crack myself up)