I have found that, in life, we don't get to choose the trials we have to experience. We don't get to choose when these trials will come up, so we aren't always ready to handle them the way we probably want to in the beginning.
Usually, after we figure it all out and know what's happened, we are then able to comfortably "know" how we should have handled it. It usually takes me a tad longer than most, and with the adoption I am clueless, sooooooo...
We had a major step backwards this week. Let me tell you that it was hard. I felt blindsided and felt defeated. My heart was broken, and I am still trying to get answers for a better understanding of why and what comes next.
To be honest, I just don't know. I am working on making sure I get all my paperwork updated as some of it will be expiring in September. I have expanded the age range of the little boy I will be adopting so he might be older than the three year old they originally had picked for me. (See "Heartbroken but still alive" 7/10 post for story)
I am moving forward the best I can, not knowing how long I still have to wait to be a mom. I wish I had the answers for everyone who asks how it's going. Truth is, I just don't know. I pray daily for that knowledge, but I leave it in the hands of Him who knows.
I have an amazing support system who helped me, emotionally, through that day. I have great people who are behind me cheering me on. I thank you for all of that. Not sure I could do it without you.
We move forward with faith, with a slightly broken but hopeful heart. The key here is that I am moving forward.
Kayleen's Kid Quest continues.....
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