Going back to the beginning

I am not sure how many of you know the story of my decision to adopt, but I think I will tell you just to explain a decision recently made.

It was close to a year ago that the idea of adoption was planted in my head. It was after a youth fireside we attended where the speaker had talked of his adopting a little girl from Haiti. That was the seed, and from there the idea grew and thoughts got stronger. One morning while laying in bed, fully awake, there was a little voice (which sounded like it was right by my ear) which said, "mommy". This was an audible voice, not something in my head. so needless to say, I sat straight up. I closed my eyes and prayed for understanding of what just happened. Adoption is what came as that answer. Haiti was the country, that was such a strong feeling. There was no doubt that I would adopt a little boy from Haiti. After several weeks of pondering and prayer, also several trips to the temple for more focus. I knew that the this choice was right for me. At this point I hadn't told anyone about it, it was something I felt I needed to get a little deeper into before I shared my new quest.

I started researching adoption and who might be the best to work with and came upon Children's House International. I forwarded my information on to them and to my surprise the woman who responded is from Lehi, Ut and had a son on his mission. (she lives in both Utah and Bolivia), it was kind of an answer if this was the right place to work through. I submitted my information and was told that I was approved to move forward with the adoption. It was only after this happened that I shared my new quest with a very few people. I started working on all the requirements needed.

About three months into the process, I was told that Haiti was closing to become a Hague process and I was not far enough along in the process that I could stay so I would have to choose another country. Let's just say that I was in complete shock because Haiti was such a strong answer for me as to where I should adopt from. There was never a question in my mind as to where my little boy would come from. Why would The Lord confirm with me that Haiti is where I should adopt only to have the pulled away after such a short time?

It was at this time I was given three other countries to choose from, after much prayer and pondering, Ethiopia was the answer I was given, even though it was really expensive to travel to.Although a serious concern about how to get the money to travel there twice, I still felt it was right.  So I called and moved forward with it. For the next 6 months, my heart and soul were in Ethiopia. I had accepted this change and knew that my little boy, wherever he was from, would be loved no less by me. I went through all the paperwork and was in the middle of my home study when my social work told me, "So, I have some news", which I am not going to lie, almost gave me a heart attack, so I asked what it was. She then told me that Haiti has been reopened and I could still move back over.

I had put so much time and heart into Ethiopia that I told her I wanted to stay. Little did I know, The Lord really did want me to go back to Haiti. My original answer was right, I just needed to trust Him. I hope I showed my faith by accepting Ethiopia in the interim, but it seems Haiti was always the answer. As one friend told me, "maybe my little boy wasn't quite in the age bracket I was requesting, so I needed to wait for him to get into that group." Whatever the reason for the change, I was willing to adopt from whichever country The Lord guided me to.

When my social worker turned the home study report in, her supervisor had a couple of concerns with it and both of them suggested maybe I change back to Haiti. This made me wonder why they kept saying I should.  I started the process of prayer and temple visits again to gain a better understanding of what I needed  to do. This time, it seemed to take forever to receive an answer. Maybe I just expected it because from the beginning, the answers had always come so quickly and they were so definite. Just before one temple trip and friend posted a message that maybe I needed to make a decision and have the Lord confirm it, rather than just rely upon Him for the answer. What a turn of thoughts for me at that point. I went to the temple with a totally different mindset. It was a few days after that I received confirmation that I should go back to Haiti for the adoption.

Maybe I was given the answer of Ethiopia because it was so expensive and He knew it would be a little easier for me to move back when the time was right. Anywho, after that long detailed description of what has happened, the jest of the story is this.........

I am now (again) adopting from Haiti.

I am currently in a holding pattern waiting for the background checks to come back from California, Nevada,  and Nova Scotia. There might not be much to say, but still so much to do to prepare for his arrival. Slowly but surely we get the house a little more ready. I prepare myself a little more each day to become a mom. One day, this will happen and I have such an excitement about it.

Spreading the word

   So as most of you know this is a completely new experience for me. Adopting a child, NEW; writing a blog, NEW; certain feelings, NEW. So I want to share this experience with as many people as I can reach. I want to share what it is like for a single woman to adopt a child from a different country, what her thoughts are, and what she goes through, physically, emotionally and spiritually while she goes through this long process.

  One thing I found when doing my Adoption Yard Sales last year, once people found out that they were for adoption, they were willing to talk openly about how adoption has affected their lives. I would say about 75 percent of the people who I spoke with, adoption had an influence at somewhere in their lives. I had so many great conversations with complete strangers about how it a part of them. What a great experience that was for me. So many people, who didn't even know me from Eve, offered blessings and hope that the process would go smoothly. I was surprised by the reaction of so many.

   With this being said, I want to move forward and get more people out there to follow this experience with me. So I have been trying to figure out just how I can do that. I have so many great friends who have shared this link on their Facebook  and my new friends on Google+ in the adoption communities, and I thank you for that. My daily views are getting higher, so I know people are enjoying what I have to say. I have come up with an idea I want to try and thought maybe I could get some advice (aka: comments) about it.

   I was able to get a QR code for my blog as well as my donation page. I created a letter size "poster" that will be laminated. I want to put them on my back side windows of my car so when I am at a store or wherever, people may see them, scan and follow my blog.  My question to you, my readers, is this: Where else can I post these that people may see them and possibly follow me? Stores, display boards, libraries, where?

   This is all so new to me and I am really not all that crafty or have great ideas in this area, so any help from you will be so appreciated. Thanks so much for following my journey, I love the fact that I can put my feelings down and get so many great comments which help me understand better, or someone give me a different view on something.

Fundraising continues as I wait (im)patiently for my background clearances to come back. These bracelets I have been selling for a while. I am selling them for $1.00, but with any amount donation I will give you one (or one for each family member). Just let me know address and I will drop off or mail to you. 

It says, "I support Kayleens Kid Quest"  

All donations go directly to bringing a little boy into the states and giving him a loving home. Thanks so much for all of your continued love and support for me while going through this adoption. I cannot wait to be a mom. 

Going with the flow

   While things have changed in this adoption process, and I now have to wait for several background checks which I originally didn't need, I have come to be content with how the adoption is going. I am not nervous, concerned, or frustrated. I am content to know that this is in The Lord's hands and it will happen when and from where it should happen.

   While the background checks have caused a bit of delay in the process, it gives me time to get some more money in the bank. Something that needs to happen anyway, this just allows me to get a bit more in their so the adoption agency feels a little more comfortable with things. It's a blessing in disguise really, I just wish that is something I could see when it first happened, rather than getting frustrated first. I need to learn to have a little more faith I guess.

   I had a great talk with Jennifer Graham who shared some things they went through, which helped me understand some processed a little better as well. Though they are fostering, they had to go through the same background checks so in speaking with her and finding out how long it took for those to come back, it gives me a little more hope. Thank you Jennifer, you are pretty darn wonderful. I am so glad you're on my side.

  With answers that have come and decisions having been made, I am more relaxed and going with the flow of things. I am more at ease with the process and am taking the opportunity to move forward in other areas of the adoption process. It's so awesome to have great best friends who walk with me through the hard times, and calm my fears and frustrations. Friends who remind me that things are going to be okay, and it's just a small setback. Friends who remind me what to do to move forward. Thank you Natalie and Jennica for being that shoulder to lean on.

Decisions, Decisions..........

   Up until now the decisions I have been made, have seemed quite easy. The decision to adopt was clear in my mind, with many confirmations that it was the right thing for me to do. The age group and gender were certain. When I first started this adoption process I was originally going through Haiti, then they closed that due to circumstances beyond their control. So they gave me some options, as I prayed about those options the answers came quickly and with no doubts in my mind they were the right choices for me. Throughout this whole process, whenever I had concerns, or someone questioned me adopting in general, I always received an answer or a confirmation that this was right. So until now I have felt as ease with everything. 

   Now, with these setbacks and decisions to be made, I am struggling. Struggling with the fact that I have prayed and prayed and have yet to receive a firm answer in the direction I should go. Don't get me wrong, I am not mad, angry, or even frustrated (any longer). I am just wondering why the delay in an answer now. What is the reasoning behind me not getting a direction? 

  I am taking this "opportunity" to research my options, ask lots of questions to my social worker and the adoption agency in regards to the delays I have before me. I am taking this "opportunity" to try and get more money in the bank. I am researching as much as I can about the decisions before me. I am trying to be as educated as I can while praying for direction. I have thought long and hard but have decided that just doing "rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock" is not going to be enough to choose which way to go (Big Bang Theory fans will get that).

This morning, I will be going to the temple to get away from the world and focus on the spirit. To be as close to my Savior and Heavenly Father as I can on this earth and pray for understanding and direction. (For those readers who aren't too familiar with me, I am Mormon) I rely heavily upon my faith in The Lord for answers to all major (and even minor) decisions in my life, I always have. Because of my reliance on Him, I have had one great life with the most incredible people a part of it. I even have superheroes who are with me every step of the way. (Seriously how can your life NOT be awesome if you have superheroes in it? Notice that is plural, I have TWO - don't be jealous)

   I know that answers come in His time, and I respect that. I just wonder why now, it's taking a little longer to receive my answer. Maybe it's my fear of the change that might have to happen, maybe I want to stay on the path I am on, and worry that the answer won't be. Maybe I am causing myself to question what the answer might be so I am the one blocking myself from receiving that answer. I am hoping today (this morning) I find the clarity I need in my mind and allow myself to be open to the spirit to guide me. How blessed I am to have this in my life, how blessed I am to KNOW, that I WILL receive an answer. Blessed enough to have friends and loved ones who help me through these tough times and remind me that they are there to lift me up when needed.

   Soon enough I will know which way to go. I will keep you posted as to my decision and direction I am to move forward with this adoption.

Kayleen's Kid Quest continues........