What will he want to be?

   Yesterday I spent the day with a really good friend of mine watching her daughter play in a soccer tournament. It was so much fun to sit there and see all the families together cheering on the youngest of players. Some kids definitely knew what they were doing while others just wanted to kick a ball, regardless of what direction it went. I enjoyed every minute of it. 

   While sitting there I couldn't help but envision the next few years and what it might be like for me. Sitting on the sidelines cheering on my little boy in whatever sport he chooses to play (yes I really hope soccer is his love). I thought about getting him in a training and skills program to help him learn to play so he looks like he understands what is going on out there. I thought about pushing him to do what he loves and do it the best he can (even he chooses to play chess), as long as he gives it all he has, I will be happy with what I will have taught him.

   So many things run through my mind right now, so many dreams for him and I don't even have him yet. I just can't wait to be a mom and start training up this young boy in the way he should go. I can't wait to be a mom amd pray for him to make good friends, and right choices in his life. I can't wait to be an influence in this little boys life and teach him to dream big and then go after those dreams. I can't wait to hire a tutor for math because I suck at it and will DEFINITELY not be able to help him after he gets done with his times tables (and even that is pushing my abilities).

   My dream of becoming a mom is still going strong. It is still within my reach. I am so close, yet I still feel so far away. Maybe because I just want it to happen now, and I still have a bit to go before they let me move forward. My faith is stronger than ever. I just have to keep doing my part. 

Kayleen's kid quest continues................

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Recycle Saturday Continues

   Tomorrow is the big recycle run for cans. There has been a great amount donated to my cause and I wanted to say thank you to everyone has done this. Every penny counts and even the small amounts definitely add up over time. I am truly amazed at the support I have had through my quest and the fact that we are getting so close to the amount needed to move forward. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

   I now have someone donating engine parts as I found out they will recycle those (who knew?). This will increase the amount of money I get with each metal recycle run I make now. He also is working with other mechanics in his area to get parts from them as well. I am blessed to have him in my life and supporting me the only way he can right now. Thank you Phillip.

   Recycle runs have become a pretty regular thing for me and the cashiers over there know about the adoption and are excited to hear updates every time I go in. It's pretty cool. I have enjoyed sharing my journey with people and am more excited about the reactions I get from people who know me and how badly I want to be a mom. I am blessed with the people in my life.

   Recycle Saturdays have become a part of my routine over the last year and I am not sure how to give it up. Although, it may be a good way to pay for his mission. Hmmm, something to think about. Wow, all these things to worry about now that I think about actually having him here. Though it might be good way to teach him about recycling and how it is good for the environment and give him some extra spending money. This will be fun.

   If you have any cans or metal laying around that you want gone, please let me know I will come get it. Every little piece adds up. Thank you all again for the support you give me, both with donations and with the emotional support through my quest to become a mom. I love you all so much.

Needed.......

   Over the last couple of weeks I have reflected on my life and where I am. What I realized is that I know I am where I am supposed to be and am doing what I am supposed to be doing. However, I feel like there is such a big hole there. I can definitely feel that something big is missing.

  Waiting has become the hardest part of this adoption.  I want to have my little boy here to begin loving, teaching, and have him rely on me for the new things in his life, I look in his room every time I walk by and just miss that even more. Patience is something I am really learning about during this process. Though from the beginning I have said, that this will happen in His time. I want it to be the right child for me.

   I think what I feel like I am missing the most, is being needed. Right now I basically just exist. I have no one that really "needs" me. I do help my mom with certain things she needs, but she is a pretty self sufficient "go-getter" and does a lot of things on her own (though I wish she wouldn't do as much).

   Over the years I have come to learn that moms are always needed, by all their children. Kids rely on moms for the loving and tender touches when hurt. The rely upon them for snacks, meals and desserts (I am pretty sure I can learn this part). They rely on them for making sure their clothes are clean and ready to wear. There is more I can go into, but I think you all understand where I am going with that.

   In my case, I will be playing the role of dad as well, so he will need me to help him learn to play soccer, baseball, and football along with others things dads do. For the first half of his life he will need me. I am missing that feeling of being needed.

   There are a number of people I need in my life, I don't know where I would be without them. I need their strength to help me stay strong. I need their love, to help me feel like I am loved. I need their testimonies to help me stay close to The Lord. I need their friendship to help me know I am not alone.

   I feel like everyone should need someone and should be needed by someone in their life. It gives them purpose when there is nothing else. Now, I am not saying I have nothing else, because I most certainly do. Please don't take it wrong to make this seem like I am having a pity party, because that is so far opposite of my thoughts here. These are just random thoughts I have had lately about being needed. Isn't this what a blog is all about?

I LOVE MY LIFE and what I am doing.
I LOVE where I am.
I AM HAPPY with who I am.
I AM Kayleen  :-) (oh man, this made me laugh- I crack myself up)

A funny thing happened on my way to adopting......

   So I received my psychological evaluation report yesterday, looking all nice and notarized. I read through it and found that I scored very high on the test I took for him. It appears that he has determined I am very comfortable in social situations (that's not the funny part). Basically it states I have no mental health concerns, in other words I am NOT insane (still not the funny part).

   The funny part is that I read through the report twice to make sure there was no incriminating sentences against me. Then I started to make sure everything was in place to scan it and send it off to the adoption agency when I noticed at the very top the birth date listed was 10/10/91 (21 year old)........Ummmmmmmm, I WISH. (Basically I would have been born while I was serving my mission). So in one place it said I was 21, then in the first sentence it stated 44 (hmmm, wonder if that would have been held against me).

   Anyway, that was the last big concern from my dossier list. Now it's just the reference letters and then I will be ready with my paperwork.

   Kayleen's Kid Quest continues........

Finally......an update

   It has been brought to my attention recently by a number of friends that I have not posted anything on my blog lately. This is true looking at the last posting date (March 28), so I do apologize for the lack of writing. However, there hasn't been anything to post about since I had been in a holding pattern waiting for the background clearance from Nova Scotia to come back. It finally has and now I have a bit of information to let you all know about.

   While I was waiting for the background clearance to come through, I decided to move forward with what I could on the dossier requirements so I researched and made an appointment with a psychologist for my evaluation. Found out I am sane.......yay me!!!  Also, what started out as a two weeks process with a number of appointments turned into one 2 hours session and I should have his report by this Thursday. All I need now is the notarized reference letters from a couple of my friends (you know who you are) and I will have all the paperwork complete and ready to do.

   They want me to have a little bit more in the bank so I am working on that as well. I will be holding one more yard sale this year (beginning of June) to raise some of that. If you did any spring cleaning and would like to donate anything for the yard sale, please let me know, I can come pick it up. Also, I finally got the pictures for my online auction, I am hoping to have that up within about a week. Anyone who is donating items to that, if you could get me your photos, that would be great.

   His room is all but done. I do need to get pictures on the walls and it will be ready for him to come home. I am so excited with how it has turned out. I will let you know when it is complete, then you can feel free to stop by and see it in person. (Of course I will get photos uploaded here soon as well). Since I don't know what his likes are, I am going with a truck and car theme. It's going to be one cool room.

   While I am still being told I should be able to go get him before the end of this year, my hopes are high that it could be by the end of summer. It depends on how quickly the dossier and approval goes in Haiti and then how long for a referral. I am doing everything I can on my end to have everything needed to submit the paperwork as soon as it's required.